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Go Bears!
Yep, Kev and I went to the Big Game yesterday and were pleasantly surprised to watch Cal win. I've been to a bunch of Big Games (annual football matchup between UC Berkeley and Stanford, for those not around here) and only got to see Cal win once before. It was even warm sitting in a sunny section of the stadium.
After the game, Kev and I walked to Olive Garden for dinner. I was starving (missed lunch) so I stuffed myself on salad, breadsticks, stuffed mushrooms, and seafood alfredo fettuccine. This turned out to be a mistake. After dinner, we had to hotfoot it back to Kev's to get my car to go to the city to see Rachel's play. We speedwalked a little over a mile, trying to find a bus. Eventually we caught one and it took us the rest of the way. It was a bit to late for me though. Full stomach + exercise = unhappy tummy. I was in pain the whole drive up to SF, which was longer than necessary due to Big Game traffic, so I just dropped Kev off and went on home. I made myself a soothing cup of tea and went to bed. I was asleep well before 10pm. That was a good thing though since I needed to get up before 6:30 this morning to take Crystal to the airport. I slacked off watching cartoons when I got back before diving into chores like paying bills, laundry, and packing.
Even with a long list of things to do, I don't quite know what to do with myself today. I feel like emotional crap. I did something really stupid yesterday and even though I was immediately forgiven, I still kind of hate myself. Tears don't help, but that's about all I've got at the moment. I'm not even crying for my pain so much as the existence of pain. Why does unbearably awful stuff happen to good people? Never to me of course, which is I suppose the universe's way of being kind. I'm not strong. If it happened to me, I'd break. Fall apart in a million little pieces that could never be put back together again. I'm of no use to anyone. All I can do is sit here and cry instead of helping. What a waste.
After the game, Kev and I walked to Olive Garden for dinner. I was starving (missed lunch) so I stuffed myself on salad, breadsticks, stuffed mushrooms, and seafood alfredo fettuccine. This turned out to be a mistake. After dinner, we had to hotfoot it back to Kev's to get my car to go to the city to see Rachel's play. We speedwalked a little over a mile, trying to find a bus. Eventually we caught one and it took us the rest of the way. It was a bit to late for me though. Full stomach + exercise = unhappy tummy. I was in pain the whole drive up to SF, which was longer than necessary due to Big Game traffic, so I just dropped Kev off and went on home. I made myself a soothing cup of tea and went to bed. I was asleep well before 10pm. That was a good thing though since I needed to get up before 6:30 this morning to take Crystal to the airport. I slacked off watching cartoons when I got back before diving into chores like paying bills, laundry, and packing.
Even with a long list of things to do, I don't quite know what to do with myself today. I feel like emotional crap. I did something really stupid yesterday and even though I was immediately forgiven, I still kind of hate myself. Tears don't help, but that's about all I've got at the moment. I'm not even crying for my pain so much as the existence of pain. Why does unbearably awful stuff happen to good people? Never to me of course, which is I suppose the universe's way of being kind. I'm not strong. If it happened to me, I'd break. Fall apart in a million little pieces that could never be put back together again. I'm of no use to anyone. All I can do is sit here and cry instead of helping. What a waste.
Nothing truly horrible has happened to me. No one close to me has died. Although I was a terrible klutz and frequently in the emergency room, none of my injuries or illnesses were serious. No one has broken my heart, although I was pretty miserable at the time, it quickly passed with no emotional scarring. I've never been really poor or had to work really hard.
Compared to most people, my life has been ridculously easy. I try to be thankful and helpful, but I've got an undercurrent of guilt that leaps to the surface every now and again.
I trust that this does not necessarily mean you don't think of yourself as good people.